I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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