i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
