Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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