so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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