3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we have officially lost it.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
