We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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