Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
