Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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