Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need a beard to bite.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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