So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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