WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
