I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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