Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
