I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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