I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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