So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm always down for nudity.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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