so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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