Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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