sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
