he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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