How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
