Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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