He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
