Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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