you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
