we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize