i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Randomize
