I heard we made out
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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