hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
