drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
