Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
