I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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