i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
