I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
