Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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