I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
