I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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