so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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