Small penises have feelings too.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
