she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize