never play flip cup with pint glasses
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
