Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
