By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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