What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
