pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
