apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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