Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
