Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
