I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
