i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
