um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
