I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
