I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize