I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
