Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My liver just broke up with me...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
