wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
