Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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