i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will be naked everywhere
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
