Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize