If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
