no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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