Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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