Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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