So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
