I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
