My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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