i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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