Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
