I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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