happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
