I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
