Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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