:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
