U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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