i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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