tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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