Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
