You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
