she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
