I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
