I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
