who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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