I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
