apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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