Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
