he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
