He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
