i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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