The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
