I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
