that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize