Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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