we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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