Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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