now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
