i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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