i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
