How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
