They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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