she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's the barista slut.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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