There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
