How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
