just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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