first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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