It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
