Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
